Screw It. Let’s Just Go Back.

I’ve posted maybe a handful of times since we relocated back to Indy. But we are officially trying to get back to Chicago. In the past two weeks, the universe seems to be leading us there. First, our previous landlord casually mentioned that the downstairs apartment would be available at the end of July. A week later, I was accepted to another graduate program at DePaul, which may be covered 100%, included a scholarship, and a modest stipend. This one is in the field for which I’ve been job searching the past ten months: higher education. Don’t get me wrong, though. Colleges and universities in Indianapolis are not the only places to which I have applied. I’ve been working in retail since January and have applied everywhere from ExactTarget to Target. IUPUI, IU, Purdue, University of Indianapolis, Harrison College, Ivy Tech, ITT Tech, Herron, Butler. Am I forgetting any? Angie’s List, nonprofits, other retail shops, social work, social services, community organizations, web sites. Maybe 120 different apps since August or September? 

Then the landlord here finally returned our calls. We’d both been sweating it because we signed a two-year lease and discovered the girls on the other side of the double didn’t give any notice. He found out they were leaving when their new place called him for a reference. But when Charlie spoke to him, he said this sounds like a great deal and we should go for it. Simple enough.

Then we started crowd funding after a friend suggested. She said she would happily contribute to something like that and we should set up a GoFundMe account. Two nights ago, I did, and we’re already up to almost $800. Granted, this is only part of what we’ll need. First and last month’s rent, a truck, a couple of movers to help us unload, and then juggling our bills while we transition in the month of August. I shouldn’t have to take out any loans with a graduate assistantship, but I’m not going to refuse the possibility for a little cushion when classes start in September. 

Right now, Charlie is riding pretty high on the things that have gone in our favor. I’m still skeptical, but hopeful. We were happier there. We missed everyone, but there was no shortage of things to do. Here, I am so down and depressed and stressed out that I’ve lost weight, I’m not eating, my hair is falling out, my skin is a mess, and I feel like I have to force happy conversation when I do see the people I love. I have nothing positive to talk about anymore and it’s killing me.