Schoolgirl Crushes

Lately I’ve noticed developing these silly little schoolgirl crushes on boys from my class. And when I say “boys,” I meant one of them is like 33 and the other is probably around 26. So while the latter is probably way too young for me, I guess the former isn’t that much younger than I am.

One of them recently added me on Facebook and last night in class, I got the distinct impression he was glaring at me. I’m assuming, based on the couple of times we’ve hung out at the same place at the same time, and a tiny bit of harmless flirting, that he was maybe, possibly interested in me. And I’m assuming that, after a bit of Facebook lurking, he discovered I’m married. And I’m guessing he didn’t think this was the case. So, in our class last night, we kept making eye contact, and I felt a little bit of you lied to me coming from him, despite the fact that I wear a wedding band and my relationship status never came up in conversation.

The funny thing is, I do sort of feel bad. Although I never intentionally led the guy on, nor felt I’d behaved inappropriately or given him false information, I admit entertaining a bit of a Courtney-as-a-single-gal fantasy.

If I’m being completely honest with myself, I know that as a younger and single woman who didn’t have a child, I would be having a seriously fabulous and nasty time living in Chicago. I am a woman of relatively flexible morals when it comes to dating. Well, that’s not quite right, though. I’m about honesty and being forthright with people when I’ve dated. Maybe you could say I’m just an ethical slut.

I think part of it is that we’re in a bit of a rut at home. It’s been something like 12 years and, after the rather rough patch during the first couple of years of our relationship, Charlie and I have been pretty close since then. When Bea came along, and then my dad moved in with us . . . facing those challenges brought us even closer, but on a different level. He feels like a great friend, but sometimes I wonder if we’re ever going to be alone together again. I have school, he has work. In a few months, Bea will go to preschool twice a week and I’ll be working at the university writing center. I’m not quite sure how that will mean spending more time together.

So I guess the crushes have more to do with a lack of excitement in the relationship, and part of it is that these two guys are a lot of what Charlie is not. And I mean that in neither a good nor a bad way; just that they’re very different. The younger one of them is incredibly tall, really smart, and super funny. Yesterday he was sitting outside talking to some other people in our program, and I admit I stood behind him and stared at his head, dreamily.

The other guy is pretty short, really quiet, and seems a bit moody. He’s the one who was giving me weird looks in class. Both guys are excellent writers and, of course, in an English graduate program, so that would probably be the biggest major difference between them and what’s at home. Charlie enjoys reading, but could care less about spelling, grammar, or learning how to string together a paragraph of prose.

I’m guessing a date night is in order.

With Charlie, of course.


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