Hanging on by a Thread

I have been having a tough semester, to say the least. A tough year. I thought 2009 was bad. Some friends were laid off, one died of an overdose, another killed himself, my dad lost his job, my grandmother got really sick. Then this year, my grandmother passed away, my mom left my dad, one of my friends had a nervous breakdown (I didn’t know people still had those), and after my dad attempted suicide and finally got out of the psych ward, he came to live with us.

He’s been here since May and it’s been a real struggle to get things done. I have a rather high-maintenance 15-month-old (that means a year plus three months), two cats, two dogs, a weird work schedule and a partner with an even weirder work schedule. My dad has four cats living up in his room, and my mother won’t speak to him. At their preliminary divorce hearing, she asked if she could request custody of my daughter because, she said, she has to “practically beg to see her.”

Monday I have to get a babysitter and skip my evening class to go with my dad to court. He’s being sentenced for a Class C felony he committed last November (which is why he lost his job. Except he didn’t really “lose” it. He knows where it is, he just isn’t allowed to go to it anymore). This is also one of the reasons my mom left him. He did the same thing (forgery) with my grandparents. After he found out my grandmother had passed away (the day before Bea’s first birthday), and knowing my grandfather is essentially senile, he said, “I told your mother not to worry.” Like, I guess no one would miss the money because my grandma croaked just a few months after he took it.

I can’t believe I haven’t broken down and started sobbing in the middle of the grocery store, or stabbed a customer at the coffee shop for looking at me cross-eyed.

I have to keep a blog online for one of my classes, and all of this started coming out, so I decided it was better to keep it here than for my class to read. They can if they want to, but I just figured I should stick to the subject matter. Literacy and Technology. I honestly do not know how I am going to survive the rest of 2010.

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2 thoughts on “Hanging on by a Thread

  1. You know– I really am to a place with my own little monster where I could babysit Bea occasionally if you need. I could swing by and grab her on my way home from work. Just a thought. Hang in, girl.

  2. Oh God, poor girl, sometimes life just tortures us. You can be proud of your strengh. Keep fighting and ‘not breaking down’ and it’ll all be better again.
    Love,
    Lena

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