I Swear I’ll Never Be Bored Again

smallbeaI am a wreck. A total, complete mess. I love this little girl, but I swear if she doesn’t get off my boobs I’m switching to formula.

No, really, it’s great; last night she slept from about one in the morning till almost eight, waking up only two or three times (I forget exactly how many). The only problem I have with that is she’s a looooooong, slow, leisurely eater. She likes to take her time. So I slept with her on my chest and I got almost five hours of sleep in a 12-hour period of time. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. Not just sleeping with my daughter (oh, my god, I have a daughter), but being able to sleep that much. It’s the most I’ve gotten in over two weeks.

I have found myself getting exasperated and weepy on more than one occasion, several early mornings in a row. Bea is, apparently, a “cluster feeder,” which means she can spend, literally, hours nursing. She doesn’t eat the whole time; she’ll fall asleep for a minutes, wake up and go back to nursing, then space out for a while, and go back to nursing again. The longest stretch of this lasted about six hours one night and I thought I was going to go insane. The sensation of her doing that was driving me batty. The hardest has been when Charlie is at work (he went back Friday night) and I’m doing it alone. I honestly cannot imagine how any women could do this on their own, with absolutely no help, and I feel incredibly lucky to have such a supportive partner. He obviously loves the crap out of her.

I’m healing well and the labor and delivery went really well, too. I feel so lucky, despite being sleep-deprived and stressed out at times, that I didn’t have more complications. I was so worried about how it would all go and then in the delivery room as I began pushing, I started hearing from doctors and medical residents how I was “made to have babies,” and my pelvis is “perfect” for delivering. I told Charlie not to get any funny ideas; I ain’t birthing no more babies. At least, not for a while.

Could I do it all again?

I don’t know. Maybe.


5 thoughts on “I Swear I’ll Never Be Bored Again

  1. GREAT to hear from you on how you and the family are doing. I am certain you are inspiring other women who like you didn’t want children but see this and think differently. 😉

  2. Are you sure Bea is getting enough to eat? I know when mine was newborn, he’d eat for like two hours and then an hour later be crying for more. Turns out that I wasn’t producing enough milk and he was just really hungry (and then dehydrated). I don’t want to add any worries on to you, just food for thought. I am in no way an expert, but 6 hours seems too long and not good for your mental health. During our 2 hour spurts I thought I might go a little crazy. I can’t even fathom 6. You have my sympathies!

  3. I am glad to hear how things are going. Like I heard someone say on “Baby Stories” this morning, “It won’t last forever.”

    (Don’t watch that show right now, btw.)

    I could be wrong, but it seems like you can reset her thinking? If she gets used to using your boob as a pacifer, she always will. So, if she quits eating, take her off. Eventually, she’ll learn that when the boobs comes out, it’s time to eat.

    But, you are doing better than i would be doing. You and Charlie are the awesome parents I knew you’d always be.

  4. I’m pretty sure I also read that you can reset their thinking. She’s still young enough not to get into bad habits. I do remember my pediatrician telling me not to let him fall asleep nursing because once he got into that habit, he’d insist on it. I don’t know though. The breastfeeding thing didn’t work for me at all, so it became a non-issue.

    Good luck.

  5. Breastfeeding is the most infuriating thing on earth. I bf’d Simone for 9 weeks, and I thought I was going to go insane. I sometimes still miss it though. I have a great book that helped a lot w/Simone’s preemie feeding issues. I’ll dig it up and get it to you. I also found the La Leche League web sites to be IMMENSELY helpful with breastfeeding stuff– more so than the lactation consultants who turned me into a painfully engorged over-producing milk machine. I thought the LLL folks were going to be bf nazis, but they really weren’t. I’m sure there’s lots of good info on cluster feeding up there. So good to hear from you. I’m sorry I haven’t been by to see you.

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