I am a wreck. A total, complete mess. I love this little girl, but I swear if she doesn’t get off my boobs I’m switching to formula.
No, really, it’s great; last night she slept from about one in the morning till almost eight, waking up only two or three times (I forget exactly how many). The only problem I have with that is she’s a looooooong, slow, leisurely eater. She likes to take her time. So I slept with her on my chest and I got almost five hours of sleep in a 12-hour period of time. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. Not just sleeping with my daughter (oh, my god, I have a daughter), but being able to sleep that much. It’s the most I’ve gotten in over two weeks.
I have found myself getting exasperated and weepy on more than one occasion, several early mornings in a row. Bea is, apparently, a “cluster feeder,” which means she can spend, literally, hours nursing. She doesn’t eat the whole time; she’ll fall asleep for a minutes, wake up and go back to nursing, then space out for a while, and go back to nursing again. The longest stretch of this lasted about six hours one night and I thought I was going to go insane. The sensation of her doing that was driving me batty. The hardest has been when Charlie is at work (he went back Friday night) and I’m doing it alone. I honestly cannot imagine how any women could do this on their own, with absolutely no help, and I feel incredibly lucky to have such a supportive partner. He obviously loves the crap out of her.
I’m healing well and the labor and delivery went really well, too. I feel so lucky, despite being sleep-deprived and stressed out at times, that I didn’t have more complications. I was so worried about how it would all go and then in the delivery room as I began pushing, I started hearing from doctors and medical residents how I was “made to have babies,” and my pelvis is “perfect” for delivering. I told Charlie not to get any funny ideas; I ain’t birthing no more babies. At least, not for a while.
Could I do it all again?
I don’t know. Maybe.