Giant Party Pooper

I don’t know if it’s related to the fact that I choose not to do anything because I feel like a boring mess all the time, or because I never have someone to share holidays with, but I hate a lot of holidays. July 4th and New Year’s Eve, especially.

I think it has something to do with the excuse most people use to get wasted and overeat on a lot of holidays. Fireworks and gluttony seem to irritate me. And New Year’s Eve is amateur night. No one knows how to drive, park, eat, pay, tip, or hold their liquor.

But I guess it really boils down to the fact that I spend a lot of these holidays alone. New Year’s Eve is not what I want to celebrate in a room full of couples making out at midnight when I know my partner is counting down in a rowdy nightclub with several drunk co-eds climbing over one another to try and make out with him.

I’m not saying Charlie’s all that. I just know what it’s like to be a drunk, horny, single gal in a bar with a strapping young man standing a few feet away. He’s not for everyone, but if I thought he was hot, there’s bound to be a few others who agree with me.

I’m also not saying that I think he’s unfaithful. I’m just saying it sucks that I work in a place where the most amount of action I get is a cirrhotic 70-year-old making lewd remarks at me over a cup of coffee while Charlie gets to squeeze betwixt a series of nubile young eager bodies amid thumping bass. And my curves are becoming significantly more exaggerated, which does not help my self esteem.

It just isn’t a fair trade.

But I do have to say I believe actions speak louder than words and, today, he spoke loud and clear by taking a secret trip to the car dealership while I was at work and attempting an all-time car-buying speed record. Yes, I know we just got the Yaris in May. Yes, I know we seem to get a new car every year. But in our defense, the Yaris was supposed to be the Last Car We’d Buy for Years. Until the kid, that is. And there was a reason every time: the Sonata was my commuter car, but it got stolen. The Santa Fe was something he wanted but it used way too much gas for the drive to Fishers and back every day for him. The Matrix got better mileage but then gas prices went up to over four dollars a gallon.

And now we’ve got the peanut on the way. And Charlie kept saying he does not want to struggle with a car seat in a two-door hatchback. I said I understood, but we could make it work. He kept saying it wouldn’t work. I said, but I’m the one who will be driving the car most of the time. He said it didn’t matter — he wants a four door. So I said fine, if that’s what you want, but I am not going to be caught in a car dealership for another five years.

So he went, picked out another Matrix (we loved the last one – cute, sporty, fun wagon – but decided to trade it in to save on gas, not thinking I was going to get knocked up any time soon), got approved for financing, got a stellar interest rate, and called me only to discuss the payment on his way home.

I told him to think about it. It’s going to be more than we paid each month for the last one since it’s a 2009, but with the interest rate, it’ll be considerably less than I’d have thought for a brand-new Toyota Matrix. If money is the issue with a kid on the way, I said I could pay the difference between what our monthly payout was for the Yaris and what will be for the Matrix. He said his boss wants to discuss a raise “after the first of the year.”

So I guess we’ll find out sometime tomorrow if we’re going to do it. And, by “we,” I mean him.


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