The Local Flavor Part 8,000: Jesus-y Motorcycle Preacher Dude

There’s a guy who comes in every morning (sometimes many, many times for refills) who is well known as a Jesus-y Motorcycle Preacher Dude that goes around to prisons and proselytizes. He also occasionally says something mildly uncomfortable to one of us. Last Easter he walked in and screamed “Praise the Lord! He has risen!” at the top of his lungs. No one said anything and a few customers appeared visibly uneasy. I muttered under my breath to a couple of people that we’d probably have heard about it already, if that was the case.

Recently, however, he took the cake. He has apparently seen Matt walking in to a local bar down the street once in a while and chose yesterday afternoon to pull Matt aside and chastise him for 25 minutes about how Matt’s a “fornicator” and a “drug abuser”, an alcoholic and “going straight to hell.” Assuming, that is, he doesn’t do whatever Jesus-y Motorcycle Preacher Dude tells him to do.

Had it been me (since all three things would apply to me at some point or another in his opinion, if not more so than Matt since I’m atheist and Matt’s Catholic), I might have pointed out that Preacher Dude is a drug abuser, himself. The guy pounds like 60 ounces of caffeine every day, and sometimes indulges in “sinful” drinks like white chocolate mochas and whatnot. He’s also an alcoholic (his word, not mine), although I guess he’s been forgiven for that … or however it works.

At first I think Matt was shaken up a bit, because he wasn’t expecting this (how the hell could he?), but I think it bothered him the most because, out of all of us, he’s probably one of the only people who works at the coffeeshop that really has any faith rooted in any sort of religion. It was also highly effing inappropriate.

I think, to deter Preacher Dude, Matt may have mentioned something about being Catholic, at which point the dude told him that didn’t matter, you can’t confess and be absolved or whatever, you have to seriously repent with The J.C. above. And he pointed at the sky. I shit you not.

Preacher Dude came in again this morning and didn’t bring any of it up. I have been known to tell crazy religious types who “want to talk” with me about their god that the business I work for doesn’t allow solicitation, which I find absolutely hilarious because they really are selling something, and which those people find incredibly offensive. I briefly considered pulling him aside this morning and saying the same thing, but there are too many regulars there, and too many of them know the owner personally. I’d rather quit than get fired.

It was a weird morning all around, too, despite the dude not mentioning his session with Matt yesterday. One of the new people, a pregnant hippie chick, just got dumped by her boyfriend — 6 1/2 months after their child’s conception — and I know it’s turned her whole world upside down. I didn’t know how I would feel about working with someone that was that far along in a pregnancy, but she’s really cool and “gets it,” which is rare. Considering one of our other new employees has called in, oh, about 5 times in the past month since she started, the hippie chick is a nice change. I just feel terrible for her.

I also had a man shouting his drink order at my back while I was getting tea for another customer about fifteen feet away from him. I turned around and told him — nicely, of course — to wait his turn. That was ballsier of me than usual. I haven’t heard anything on the potential new job yet, though.

The good news is, Leticia will be back tomorrow night and I’m really excited to see her again.


2 thoughts on “The Local Flavor Part 8,000: Jesus-y Motorcycle Preacher Dude

  1. He’s obviously nicer than I am. I too had a pretty religious upbringing and could no doubt hold my own with the guy, but man, people like that are the reason I don’t go to church anymore and think organized religion sucks. I would have straight out told him I had to get back to work and reminded him that the good book does say, “judge not, lest ye be judged.”

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