Last night I closed with the new girl, Carrie. She got her first taste of the woman-hater, an older “gentleman” who directs local plays and absolutely despises women with tattoos. When he comes in he has something negative to say to each of the females I work with, but those of us with tattoos seem to bother him the most. He once told a girl in one of his plays that she might as well “cut to the chase and become a stripper” because she acted and looked “so slutty.” I don’t know what his sexual preference is, but if he’s straight I imagine he has a hard time getting laid.
He motioned me over to his table and said he had something for me. Immediately I knew I wasn’t going to like it. He pointed to an ad on the back of the NUVO, our local independent newspaper, for laser tattoo removal. I laughed when I saw it and said “Thanks, but I won’t be needing that.”
“Why not?” He asked. I told him because I had no plans for getting any of mine removed.
“That’s too bad,” he replied.
I said it was expensive, painful, and I don’t have any tattoos that I want to have taken off. And, just to irritate him, I told him that I have a lot more that aren’t visible. But anyone else who’s had something done that they want removed is fine by me.
“You need to find yourself a husband,” he said.
“That’s okay. I already have one.”
“A rich one. That way he can pay to have all those ugly things taken off.”
“My husband has a few tattoos, himself, and he likes mine, so that’s not going to be an issue.”
“Well, I guess you’ll have something to talk about with your grandchildren.”
“We’re not planning on having any children, so I think grandkids are going to be impossible.”
This is practically the same conversation he’s had with both Audrey and our former employee Sarah P., who has since moved to go to grad school. I don’t know how many times he plans on having it with one of us. I’m guessing until someone breaks down, starts crying, and admits he’s right: we’ve made a terrible mistake in ruining our bodies with these tattoos and will he give us the number for that laser removal center?