All About Change

Call me Barack Obama, but I’m all about change right now, I guess.

Yesterday I gave Charlie the thumbs-up to add me to his gym membership and today, for the first time in about 14 years, I went inside a gym (I also utilized some of the fitness equipment, but you get the idea). It was kind of weird, intimidating, daunting, and not very fun. But I’m not going because I want to or enjoy it, but because I have to. I got weighed at the doctor’s office last week and was distraught to hear the results. I’ve known for a while that I’ve put in a bit of weight in the past few years. Since high school, try about 40 pounds. FORTY POUNDS! Granted, I was a pale waif at that time, but it’s definitely time to make some adjustments, seeing as how I have absolutely no metabolism and none of my clothes fit.

I also had another counseling appointment this morning, but it was just another hour of questions. I don’t really feel anything has gotten done at this point, although I know she has to get to know more about me before we can figure out how to tackle some of the issues I have.

After hearing the psychiatrist’s plan yesterday afternoon, I’m not sure I’m totally committed to this study. They want to increase my Zoloft every 1-2 weeks by 25mg increments until I’m taking the maximum amount allowed – 150mg, I believe. At that point, if I don’t feel “at least an 80% improvement” in my anxiety, they’ll introduce the study drug (or placebo). Even if I got the placebo, I still don’t know that I want to take that much medication. I was feeling like this was a great opportunity for me, but what if 50mg does the trick? I know at any point I can drop out of the study and stop taking the medication, but what if it does work? How do I fill a prescription for something like that if I don’t have health insurance?

Since I am in counseling and I expressed my desire to learn coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with anxiety, and since I’ve already experienced 6 of the 8 possible side effects of Zoloft, I don’t really know that I’m feeling the whole drug therapy thing.

I’m on it for two more weeks before I see another psychiatrist, so I’ll at least give it that much time. I’m not going to just stop taking it unless I have some wacky side effect. But the “natural” side of me wants to work more on the talk therapy, and less on the drugs.


One thought on “All About Change

  1. There is a lot here to comment on – first good for you for hitting the gym! That should help you feel better. Second on the drugs – generally with most SSRIs or other like drugs, you won’t notice improvement for at least 2-3 and maybe 4 weeks. You have to regrettably gut through about 1-2 weeks of side effects first. But I have to say I fought taking something for close to 3 years and while it was not the only thing, after about 2 weeks it certainly helped save me from what could have been a terrible rock bottom this past fall. And lastly on the counseling – it’s ironically kind of like the SSRIs. Until my counselor asked me alot of questions and figured me out, our sessions where just that – q and a sessions. But again that along with the meds and me being focused on myself has helped me get back to being myself and I had quite honestly missed that version of me. Hang in there 🙂

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