Call me Barack Obama, but I’m all about change right now, I guess.
Yesterday I gave Charlie the thumbs-up to add me to his gym membership and today, for the first time in about 14 years, I went inside a gym (I also utilized some of the fitness equipment, but you get the idea). It was kind of weird, intimidating, daunting, and not very fun. But I’m not going because I want to or enjoy it, but because I have to. I got weighed at the doctor’s office last week and was distraught to hear the results. I’ve known for a while that I’ve put in a bit of weight in the past few years. Since high school, try about 40 pounds. FORTY POUNDS! Granted, I was a pale waif at that time, but it’s definitely time to make some adjustments, seeing as how I have absolutely no metabolism and none of my clothes fit.
I also had another counseling appointment this morning, but it was just another hour of questions. I don’t really feel anything has gotten done at this point, although I know she has to get to know more about me before we can figure out how to tackle some of the issues I have.
After hearing the psychiatrist’s plan yesterday afternoon, I’m not sure I’m totally committed to this study. They want to increase my Zoloft every 1-2 weeks by 25mg increments until I’m taking the maximum amount allowed – 150mg, I believe. At that point, if I don’t feel “at least an 80% improvement” in my anxiety, they’ll introduce the study drug (or placebo). Even if I got the placebo, I still don’t know that I want to take that much medication. I was feeling like this was a great opportunity for me, but what if 50mg does the trick? I know at any point I can drop out of the study and stop taking the medication, but what if it does work? How do I fill a prescription for something like that if I don’t have health insurance?
Since I am in counseling and I expressed my desire to learn coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with anxiety, and since I’ve already experienced 6 of the 8 possible side effects of Zoloft, I don’t really know that I’m feeling the whole drug therapy thing.
I’m on it for two more weeks before I see another psychiatrist, so I’ll at least give it that much time. I’m not going to just stop taking it unless I have some wacky side effect. But the “natural” side of me wants to work more on the talk therapy, and less on the drugs.