Charlie is trying to “help” me quit smoking again. I discovered that I’m allergic to the nicotine patch. The last time I put it on I had a rash and a red patch on my hip for almost three weeks. This morning it almost immediately began itching and hives spread over my arm and up onto my poor neck, which is still blemished and patchy from the horrible case of hives the Wellbutrin I took over three years ago caused.
So his “helping” consisted of hiding my pack of cigarettes in the cat carrier on the shelf in the back bathroom (which took me all of 60 seconds to find). I was told I had to ask him for one, no more than once per hour and at one point he set the timer on the microwave. And when I did ask he kept me waiting, on purpose, for over 40 minutes. It really irritated me, especially considering he was upstairs using my iTunes account and credit to buy shitty music for his iPod that I got him. This irritated me much more than it would have if he had said, “Can you try waiting for twenty more minutes?” or “Do you think you can go another half an hour?” But, you know, in a nice way.
So I sought them out, found them, and had one, which also pissed me off because I knew I could’ve gone longer than that – I just wanted to show him he couldn’t pull the strings. We’ve had issues in the past with his desire to control things. Not in a Dr. Phil my-husband-locked-me-up-in-the-basement kind of way, but in a this-is-my-money-and-I’m-a-grown-man-and-we’ll-see-if-I-decide-to-allow-this-sort-of-spending kind of way.
I’m not trying to harp on Charlie and make him out to be the bad guy. I understand he thought he was helping but with each action I felt more and more like I was dependent upon him and he was enjoying controlling the situation. I didn’t like it.
I don’t know what will be the effective measure that helps me quit smoking. I’m a smart enough person that the money and health issues should do it, especially considering a friend just lost her mom to lung cancer and we have no health insurance right now. So what’s it going to take?
I’m allergic to the patch and Wellbutrin, plus I can’t chew gum – my crowns and TMJ won’t tolerate it. The idea of a nicotine lozenge makes me seriously gag. I have to be completely committed to doing it and I don’t know why I haven’t. I’m okay when I’m at work and stay busy. But once I get home that switch flips and I just want one.
So I just went online and looked up some information on the patch. It says redness, irritation and a burning sensation at the site of application are pretty normal side effects. A rash is “less common.” But in the directions that came in the box it says to remove the patch if you notice redness or irritation.
Maybe I should just put it back on tomorrow morning and suffer through a minor skin irritation. I mean, which is worse, you know?