The visiting doggie goes home today, proving my dad’s point that the older you get, the faster time passes. When I arrived home last Tuesday with my friend’s dog and watched him tear the house up for hours I thought “June 13th will not be here fast enough” with a sigh.
Now it’s here and I’m questioning what I have to show for the past eight days of my life. It’s disturbing how quickly time does go the older you get. My dad was talking about getting his retirement from the Navy, which would be twenty years after he’d gotten out of active duty and another several years in the reserves. Considering I remember when he retired I found this disturbing, thinking, twenty years from that must be a ways off. Well, it isn’t. He saw the look on my face and said something like “Kid, when you’re my age another five or six years is nothin’.”
Which was disturbing in another way because I realized he was talking about my being in my mid-to-late thirties. Shudder.
I was just talking to Cavan about this the other day. When I was a kid it felt like every moment, every day, was an eternity. I can recall, even in high school, watching the clock on the wall seem to tick impossibly slowly while I was waiting for the end of each math or science or English class.
To paraphrase my friend Jay in a comment a few days ago, I know I shouldn’t be modeling myself after or comparing myself to other people my age. But there’s something unsettling about the idea that I have no clue what I’ll be doing in five years. Will I be living in Indiana? Going to graduate school? Done with school? Teaching, working, living in Seattle, Portland, New York, Fort Wayne? I’m not even sure what’s going to be happening a year from now. Will I still be in school? Will Charlie? Will we be living here? Will Cavan be living with us?
I’m not worrying too much about all of it, but there is some concern that I haven’t got specific goals set for myself. My goals lately have been set more on a day-to-day basis. Get up, go to work, come home, clean house, try to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Maybe it’s time to start thinkin a little more long-term.
Or maybe not.