I was so pleased to find out our former landlady gave us our entire deposit back last Sunday.

Now, one week to the day of our exit, she's calling and asking for her postdated check back. She claims she had the carpets cleaned and can now smell urine strongly.

Let me emphasize, that while I'm an avid animal lover and I do happen to have a lot of pets at the moment, I would never – NEVER – allow a pee spot to go uncleaned. Regardless of whether or not my animals have urinated in the house (which they most certainly have not), my superhuman nostrils would have picked up on it and scrubbed the area until it sparkled. Believe me, I can smell cat or dog pee before anyone else in a room.

The fact that this greedy woman has called us a week after we moved out to demand money is utterly ridiculous. Charlie got off the phone with her and just drove over to her house to ask where the smell is coming from and see/smell it for himself. I couldn't bring myself to go because I'm so angry right now that I feel hot and twitchy. I'll update when he returns.

I'm peeved because she's reneged on her offer to return our deposit and that she never, ever takes “general wear and tear” into consideration. She's not pointing out the things we actually did to damage any part of the house (the claw marks on the windowsills that I fixed cosmetically; the hair dye and bleach stains in the bathroom). What she's doing is going nuts with dollar signs in her eyes because she knows we're honest people who, upon pressure, would probably return the postdated check to her for another.

What she's doing is finding something that needs to be done – something she should have done about 10 years ago – and attempting to get us to pay for it. Claiming we have “too many pets” and that someone could have pissed in the house and we'd just let it sit there. What she's not understanding is that part of our having a housemate ensures that the animals will never be left alone for an extended period of time. They can't go to the bathroom in the house because they don't have a chance to hold in their pee long enough.

Let's not forget the girl on the other side of that double who leaves her two dogs alone for 12 and 13 hours at a time. Or the fact that, the first time we moved into that house, the landlady actually admitted to me that someone had kept pets locked up in the basement and second bedroom and that she knows the animals peed in there. I could smell it even after the carpets were cleaned.

The kicker is that she isn't asking us to pay for the carpets to be cleaned again, or any sort of stain or odor removal — she wants us to pay for the entire upstairs carpet to be replaced. The ratty, dark green, twenty-plus-year-old carpet she actually put in, herself, and hasn't once thought about replacing until this very moment, despite Charlie and I offering to put down new carpet for her just so we could get some freaking linoleum into that awful bathroom. Now, all of the sudden, she needs to have something new put in.

Gee, I wonder how much that might cost . . . Oh, say, about two-thirds to all of our deposit?



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