Ad Nauseum


Area Woman Consciously Thinks Out Blog Entry
Indianapolis, IN
– Area resident Courtney Wertz, 29, consciously thought out what she wanted her latest blog entry to be like today.
“I’ve been reading the latest print version of “Ad Nauseum” from The Onion,” Wertz reported. “Now I can’t stop thinking about things in terms of funny Onion headlines.”
The returning student noted Saturday night that, while she thinks a really great job would be working for the online parody newspaper, she fears she just wouldn’t be able to come up with really funny stuff all the time like they do.
“I guess I’ll stick to making regular entries in my blog until I get a flash of inspiration. Or I’ll take another online quiz to determine what my ideal dog type would be and post it for all my readers to enjoy.”

Do you ever get really paranoid, like you think every one is giving you dirty looks or staring at you like you’re a freak? That’s so sad that you would think that about yourself.

Tomorrow I’m going to the new IMA in the morning, then I have to do something I’m really not looking forward to.

Two of the most recent house-hunters will have to battle it out in the Ultimate Tenant fighting ring. They both claim they want it, but as far as I know, no one has put down a deposit yet. First come, first served?

Why is it my hair can never be just one color for an extended period of time? I’m so sick of having yellow in my hair when I bleach it out. The ends will be platinum, which is what I really want, then it’ll get all fried, I’ll try to tone it down and the roots will turn out yellow. Next thing you know I have new growth directly under yellowish, poorly-bleached hair, directly under the stuff I like, directly under the dead shit.
I either need to constantly keep my head shaved, or grow it out. And I really don’t see the latter happening. Ever since my mom chopped it all off when I was, like, 14 or 15, I’ve never since been able to grow it out past chin length.

These little nuisances make my life sound so simple and superficial.

The first thing I’m doing when I win the lottery is buying an automatic espresso machine and setting up my own coffee bar. I hate paying for stuff that tastes bitter or isn’t made correctly.


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