I'm about two minutes from calling the manager at my part time job and telling her to shove the promotion up her bootie. I can't seem to gain any respect there. I just wrote A to tell him how frustrated I am and haven't heard back yet. My schedule for the next two weeks is not at all what the manager and I have talked about. Instead of 3 evenings per week and a weekend day, she's has schedule me until midnight on Fridays, all day Saturday, and opening at 6am on Sunday.
I'm sure you can imagine the obscenities streaming out of my mouth last night when I saw the schedule.
And let's not forget the “talking to” I had yesterday regarding the Refund Incident. Before coming to me, the manager spoke with a number of other people, drew her conclusions, then asked me why things had happened this way. Despite the fact that things hadn't happened “this way.” Not even a phone call to ask me what had gone wrong. When she asked yesterday, four days after the incident, all I could say was that there was a lack of communication from staff to me and that I had dealt with the situation as best I could given the information and training I'd received.
Turns out a lot of little babies over there want to cover their asses, just the way the adults here do. Rather than admit to what they'd done wrong, they blamed me – saying I'd “disappeared” and they couldn't find me. That's B.S.
Argh. I'm just all flustered now. I couldn't sleep last night for obsessing over the different jobs, money, what I can do to change the problems I'm facing.



I'm so mad I could absolutely start crying. I made this entry about 15 minutes ago that went on and on about some crap and, just as I'd started to spellcheck, my Mac froze. Now, I know some people are diehard Mac fans, but this stuff we use at work is awful. I don't know if it's the software, old hardware, a combination of all the Windows programs used on the the OS9 platform or what. But this puppy freezes an average of 2-3 times per day. Argh.
Still, old habits die hard, and one thing I like to do is babble in my blog.
I guess I'll go ahead and tell you how bored I am right now. My job description includes being able to efficiently coordinate 12-15 active titles at a time. Currently, I have 11 and only half a dozen of those are moving around the department. After I'd been here a couple of months, six books seemed insurmountable. I didn't know how I would ever keep up. Recently, I've gone from 23 active titles down to what I currently have. I'm bored out of my wits. I can handle twice the regular workload of my peers with no problem, but when I ship book after book out, I get antsy.
When I'm here with nothing to do but surf the Web and write in my journal, I start thinking too much. I've managed to worry myself sick about the move, money, and my other job. And it's not even 11am!
I was going over in my mind earlier what all we need to buy or scrounge up money for before we even get out of the current house and it goes a little something like this:

  • Three sets of blinds to replace those with broken slats as a result of dogs<
  • Wood stain and perhaps wood putty to fill in scratches left on hardwood floor as a result of couch-pushing-aroundedness
  • Entertainment center to fit in new living area where one wall is a fireplace and current entertainment center won't go because it's too bulky
  • Pay carpet people to replace small hole by my bedroom door and clean hair dye stains off bathroom carpt. Yes, I said there's carpet in the bathroom. We were told it wouldn't be replaced unless we planned on staying there for a while. We signed a 15 month lease and everyone who's ever looked at it seems to have asked if there were plans to put down linoleum. Seems like it'd be a good investment considering the bathroom has a claw-foot tub and, to shower, you have to use two separate curtains.
  • Shower curtains for both bathrooms at the new place (old one is moldy and gross. It's amazing how you let things go once you assume you're moving out. I've been a total slob. But don't completely blame me; I've been working 60 hours per week for four months).
  • First month's rent and pet deposit
  • Rent truck
  • Paint for bedroom in new place (walls are dark, dark teal-blue color that absolutely will not do for me. I was thinking red?)

I think that's it, but I'm not sure. Once you include my and C's share of the rent, and exclude K helping with repairs, we're looking at around $2000 for everything. I'm not going to tell you what rent is at the new place, but it's a lot. Totally worth it, though.

I was thinking about how much I really, really, really don't want to go to work tonight. I'm at the part time job tonight and tomorrow from 5pm to close, then I close on Friday but we stay open an hour later (why, I don't know. Why they're extending summer hours when we're dead from about 8pm, I also do not know.)
This is why it's bad for me to be bored. My brain starts working overtime and I begin to fantasize about going straight home from here, packing up stuff, moving it in to the new place, and not having to work with who-knows-who (I didn't copy my schedule so I don't know who I'm closing with tonight or tomorrow) . . .
Sigh. I'm such a big baby. But I'm also extremely tired and wanted to prime and paint my new bedroom before we shove a bunch of crap in there. That color is going to be a major pain in the ass the cover up.
Remind me to tell you about the White Trash Security Guard who made a nasty remark to me at my part time job last week.


One of my friends just got her nipples pierced and it makes me very jealous. I had thought about getting them done a few years ago but wasn't prepared for all the upkeep; the cleaning, the sportsbras, the pain of clothes rubbing up against a piercing that's still healing. But hers apparently hurt very little and I have been thinking for the past two days that I should've just gotten them done a long time ago. Argh. Now I don't know if it'll ever happen.
I went to see my counselor yesterday and we talking about school. She seemed really excited about it and was glad I'd made a choice to do something on my own. It carries over . . . or do you say it another way? It crosses over C's football time. I would start classes in August, but football isn't over for him till November. We'll see if we're able to work out our schedules.

We got the keys to the new place last night. My memory has failed me. K's room isn't a bedroom at all; it's an office with a french-ish set of doors leading to a breezeway between the house and garage. Uh-oh. I swear, when we first looked at the house and made the decision to move in, my mind told me there were two different bedrooms upstairs, the office, the breezeway, and the living area, bathroom, and bedroom downstairs. She says she has no problem with taking the basement rooms. But I'm afraid it would turn into a separate apartment for her and we would never see her again. And since we have to go down there to use the washer and dryer, it would seem like an invasion.
And her bf would only come over as a result of her having so much privacy. It seems the less he has to deal with us, the better. Which is really weird because I went out of my way to make sure all my friends did stuff when I dated people. We were all friends. Now, K's been dating for something like 5 months and we have seen the bf maybe a dozen times. Half of which were through the front door as he knocked and waited for her to come out, a few more were him on his way up the stairs to her room without so much as a hello. and the first two didn't go over all that well. This is when he was supposed to meet us for dinner in Bloomington at 5 or 6pm and didn't show up until almost 10 at night. I was beyond irritated.
It seems as if you would be a little stand-offish at first, then, as you got used to people, you would do more with them. It's difficult to accept the boyfriend of your housemate and one of your closest friends when he won't have anything to do with you. Why should we go out of our way to make him feel welcome? We don't, but it's sad because he sort of missed out on a window of opportunity. When our lease is up next year, if they're still together, I imagine they'll move in together and we'll never see her again.
Ah, well. Her choices, not ours.

Insert Witty Subject Matter Here

I just found out that the related school where I'll be attending has discounts for immediate family members of employees. My mom has just started to work for their main campus. Unfortunately, none of the degree programs they offer are anything I'm interested in or would be good at. It's all biomedical engineering, math, chemistry, pre-med, and some food and nutrition program. I don't see myself in a room full of peppy girls going to school for a BS in eating right (no pun intended).
It's a shame if I miss out on another opportunity like this (my dad worked for a branch of yet another school a few years ago but I never enrolled in classes). It's something like 50% off all tuition, which would be super-helpful. But I'll be thirty next year so we can't expect help from our parents all the time.
I spent most of the weekend cleaning, packing, and working. I was the only supervisor between 12:30 and 5 on Saturday afternoon which was a might scary. At one point, there were something like six people there (I'm used to working with one or two), and 80% of them had only been there a couple of weeks. For the most part everything went smoothly and I was flattered that people kept asking what I needed them to do. When the Tough Cookie arrived at 5pm she didn't have a thing to complain about. But she managed to find something.
She tried to “impart some kind of wisdom” to me related to a mix-up with a refund. Of course, what she was suggesting was exactly what I'd done (and I reminded her of this several times during her speech, but she wasn't listening to me, apparently). She likes to believe, I think, that I'm kind of an idiot and making me a supervisor was some sort of Equal Opportunity Employer necessity. The idea that they'd make me her equal because I actually caught on and do my job well doesn't seem solid to her, I guess.
I can't let people like her get to me but she is so irritating and condescening that I see myself quitting there in a hailstorm of obscenities directed at her. If I could just punch her lightly in the nose once, I'd feel better. Her lack of faith in my ability has caused me to question myself on more than one occasion and I don't appreciate that.
Anyway. So yesterday we went to see “Van Helsing” with A from the part time job and his significant other. We were all quiet and kind of tired. We had chinese buffet after the movie and sort of stood around talking about wanting a nap. I felt bad for not being more talkative or social but I really just wanted to lay down.
After that, C and I packed some more, he took out screws and nails, and I spackled as he went. Tonight we're supposed to take in the other signed copy of the lease and give it to the new landlord, do a walk-through, and possibly move some things in. I hope so, anyway, because C filled up my car entirely with boxes last night. I barely had room to set down my purse when I left for work this morning.
Speak of the devil. He just called to say he has a surprise for me.
I'm off like a prom dress.


I feel like I'm being really bad and sneaky. [giggle, giggle.] I have in no way expressed my interest in attending school full time at my current full time position. It makes me feel kinda/sorta bad in the way that it makes you feel when you know you're doing something secretive and no one else knows about it. C's plan to take on as much as possible then put in as little notice as possible is not really me. I'm not interested in burning another bridge, but part of me wants to write a letter to everyone in my department for being such snotty, back-stabbing, irresponsible babies. Although it's not actually everyone.
K is going to take the copy editing test here and apply for the open position. That would be pretty cool. I know CEs make more than I do so it would be good for her to have just the one job. And she could probably afford to do some things she'd enjoy rather than working a couple of different positions.
It seems like we're all switching and interchanging as people and where we stand in our lives with one another. First, it was C going to school and working part time, then it was K, and now it's going to be me. He graduated last May, she graduated this month, and I . . . well, it's going to take me quite some time. Assuming I manage to make it through for four years, I'll be 33 by the time I have a degree. After that, I was thinking of going for a Master's, but in what, I do not know. I could at least teach with any Master's but I'm not sure I'd want it in Art Education. I kind of want to split it all up and have the fine arts BA, then M_?, and – oh, what the hell – a PhD later on. Har, har, har.
I know my friend here on LiveJournal is going to the same school I'd be going to. And I know she's talked about wanting to start her own art school . . . Maybe we could go in halfsies. But my dream was an integrated art school that taught both disabled and able-bodied kids how to express themselves through art. I had it down to a science including what sorts of people I would hire (psych, soc, education, and art students, as well as people who'd worked in social services), where I could get a grant to start it (this $50grand Chicago Art Institute dealie), where I would hold the classes for free at first, etc…
I need to learn how to get this journal entry stuff down to a paragraph or so at a time. I babble.

Burning down the store

Tonight is my first night alone as a supervisor. I've been working almost exclusively for 3 months with the same person, on the same slow nights, getting all the stuff we need done at the last minute. Now, all of the sudden, I have to figure out how to delegate responsibility as well as get more stuff done. It sucks when I'm worried about one job while I'm at another.
Good news is, it won't be for long. I sent off requests for transcripts from the other school and high school. K said not to worry too much about getting in. I even have my schedule worked out for the fall. Most of my classes will take up between 9am and 3pm Monday through Thursday with one later evening class once a week (I forget which day). I was also thinking about taking a beginning martial arts class on Saturday afternoons, except I'll probably have to work. The one thing that bothers me about going to school and working even part time is that I won't have time to study.
Whether it's working one full time job and one part time job, or going to school full time while working part time, I'm still using up the same amount of time with the same lack of free hours in a day. I don't see how I could survive off student loans and a part time gig, but I guess we'll have to see.
Part of me somewhat relishes the idea of leaving because I won't be dealing with the same it's-not-my-fault B.S. that these people play every day. And they're supposed to be adults. Perhaps if I was taking classes with a bunch of 18 year-olds they'd have an excuse for being all dramatic and whiny. But people here just drive me insane. Why do you think I want to know such personal details about your life? Why would anyone share intimate details about their medical problems, or their family's issues? Why in the world does one person get away with spending hours on the private phones by the elevators while the people in my area get highlighted copies of their phone records for every call over 10 minutes? Ugh. Such petty stuff.
Still, I'm hopeful my dad hears something about the position I put in his application for.

More bitching.

It's almost one in the morning and I'm not tired. In fact, I just got up. After a busy day and getting up early we all took a nap. No one woke me until almost 10:30pm. DAMMIT!
We got up early because our landlady wanted to show the place to someone and gave us no warning. We had two hours to throw the entire place into look-at-able shape. Then we went to eat Indian food and saw Kill Bill Vol. 2. We just watched the first one from Netflix and the second was still in some theaters so we decided to go see it. What a disappointment. I said I'd watch the first again any time but I don't ever want to see the second again. It was just Tarantino masturbating his ego.
I was supposed to go to another training to be a supervisor for my part time job today from 9am-3pm downtown. I didn't make it for various reasons. I also didn't have a number to call and tell them I wasn't going to make it.
I was up until about 4am obsessing over school. I ended up applying to Herron around 3 this morning online. I don't know how that's going to go. I don't know how likely I am to get in to school there, though, if I was accepted at UCSD I don't imagine it's much more difficult to get in there. It's like applying to IU but it's the art school. My idea is to go for a General Fine Arts degree and take a bunch of things I've never done before.
My problem is basically that I can't draw or paint to save my own life and you have to take two full years of drawing. This makes me paranoid. I don't know how I could actually graduate in four years if I was taking anything like drawing.
Still, I did it on a whim mostly because I'm still frustrated about having to put my UCSD plans on hold indefinitely. I'm still waiting on something to make me feel as if people actually feel bad about that besides just avoiding the subject altogether.
And after my evaluation and its anticlimactic finale, I just don't know if I see a future for myself at that company right now. My ultimate goal would be to go to school full time, work part time at the other job I have right now, or do something else like a work-study. I'm so sick of having two jobs and working 60 or 70 hours per week, and not seeing much benefit from it.
The thing that worries me most is the fact that I'm almost doubling my rent and I still haven't solved the car payment situation. See, I bought this car new last August and have been regretting it ever since. While I really like the car, I don't like how much I pay for it.
If I could get rid of that bill altogether and go back to my old Elantra payments ($140 a month as opposed to $350), that would be so sweet.
Another concern is what C will end up doing. Is he going to stay; is his supervisor going to leave so he can have that position (his supervisor was supposed to be out by May at the latest. But wait! It's almost June…); is he really going to stick with football this season; is he going to try out for the arena team; is he going to get it; are they going to pay him enough; will I be responsible for insurance when and if he leaves?
These are all questions I've been asking myself the last day or so. I like the fact that you can get insurance at my p/t job by only working 20 hours per week. I don't like the fact that I'll have to work till 11:30 on weeknights and 12:30 on the weekends once they extend summer hours.
I'm such a whiner.

I defect.

So. Here we are again. This time it's not eight in the morning and I'm not slumping over my desk in a stupor.
I keep forgetting to wear my glasses at work. For the longest time I wished I had them. Now that I need them I'm not so thrilled about it.
After the Annual Review Incident, I decided to let things chill for a while at the full time gig. Besides, I have a sneaking suspicion that this “Substantially Exceeds” business is of the monkey sort.
After hearing that no one who was going with me to San Diego wanted to go right then I decided to chill out on school. Again.
I've decided, basically, to focus on the local move to the Nice House as my next goal. Nothing long-term, nothing too heavy or involved. Once that's over it's more a matter of getting all those things I've fallen in love with on my Target or Amazon wishlists.
I'm not making any plans beyond that. Though I wish K and C would go down to just a job or so a piece so I wouldn't constantly worry that the dogs have enough attention, I think we're all able to work around our schedules enough to make sure the pooches have a good amount of love.
Why I obsess over that so much I do not know.
I'm still eagerly awaiting the judge's decision in our small claims court case. It's been over three weeks now since our last court appearance and
You know what I just realized? Moving isn't just about shifting furniture from one place to the next. I just remembered switching over utilities, getting change-of-address labels, calling credit card companies and the bank . . . .
That was all fun and games when I was 24. Now I'm starting to get tired of the process. But buying a house just isn't in the near future. Plus it'd be so hard to move out of the country if I need to flee in November . . .

Promotion or Not

Had my annual review yesterday around 4pm, about a half hour before the day was over, which seems in retrospect as though it was done in a hurry to keep me from spending the entire day in a funk.
Basically, I got about as good a review as I've ever received from a job. There were about 8 topics that someone in my position is graded on. For the most part, I recieved what I thought I would on 6 of them: a “Fully Met.” This means I did everything I should have, including keeping on top of stuff and doing a great job. Suprisingly enough, I received two “Substantially Exceeds,” something which I was told no one gets.
My supervisor went on and on about how well I've done and how much he appreciates me, how glad he is that he decided to hire me and not someone else.
Then he slipped me a piece of paper with my raise on it.
$650 more a year.
Not even a grand.
Not even a promotion.
I still have to say “Associate” before my name after doing my absolute best.
It's not in the budget, they weren't expecting it, I did the best anyone can, I'm better, quicker, more clever, nicer, more diplomatic, more efficient, more thorough, and more fun than any of the others.
But that's just not good enough.
Sorry about ya.
Thanks for playing.
Better luck next time.
Maybe next year. But if not, definitely a promotion by the following year.
If I did so f-ing great, why would I have to wait two more years?
Ooooooh. I'm not happy.